


The Fine Art of Sexiling

by aurons_fan



Series: The Misadventures of Rooming with Friends [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College AU, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2436779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurons_fan/pseuds/aurons_fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If only Riku hadn't woken up, he would have stayed blissfully ignorant forever.</p><p>or</p><p>It wasn't like Riku wrote onto his freshman dorm room assignment, "Yes, I am totally okay with people having sex in my room while I'm sleeping. Please. Go ahead. I sleep like the dead and why ever not?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fine Art of Sexiling

It was always special to wake up to hearing low, throaty groans in your bedroom. Even on something as small and uncomfortable as a dorm room bed, it was  nice to know that what you were doing was appreciated and could continue on for more fun.

Unfortunately for Riku, that groan didn't belong to him. Or his guest. He didn’t have a guest.

His eyes snapped open and when he heard the telltale sign of a bed rocking rhythmically  underneath his roommate and his roommate's bedmate, he thanked everything above that he had woken up facing the wall.

"Axel-" the voice hissed again.

Riku didn't really know how to react to that. On the one hand, he could sit there and suffer in silence and hope that they figured out sooner rather than later that he was awake. Besides the fact that he was, you know, in the room, but that much was obvious and clearly not a problem for them.

There was a squelching noise and Riku's eyes opened a little wider.

On the _other_ hand, Riku would let them know that, holy shit, he was not only awake but slowly becoming more and more traumatized by the second.

Before Riku could make any decision, his roommate's bedmate/lover/person who he was hearing at this very moment, whispered, "Do you think your roommate heard us?"

Oh! Perfect. With that revelation, the sex noises would stop and Riku would be allowed to fall back into sleep, categorizing this as a terrible dream, and still have enough sleep for his 9:30am class.

Axel laughed, and if Riku wasn't so intent on keeping quiet, he would punch his roommate in the face. "Nah, he's a heavy sleeper. We're good."

Riku blinked. The noises changed and it sounded like someone was being flipped onto the mattress and suddenly the rocking from the bed got more and more intense. Riku really didn't care if his eyes rolled out of his skull from what he might see - he had to get out of there. In a flash, he shot out of bed, grabbed his keys, wallet, and cellphone, and sprinted out of the room. Lucky for him, he only happened to catch a glimpse of Axel and his blond haired bedmate.

But unlucky for him, that image would be forever burned into his retinas. 

\--

It wasn't like Riku wrote onto his freshman dorm room assignment, "Yes, I am totally okay with people having sex in my room while I'm sleeping. Please. Go ahead. I sleep like the dead and why ever not?”

When Riku had met Axel when he first moved into college, his main focus wasn’t seeing how quickly he could get tie a sock to a door and sexile his roommate. It wasn’t even like Axel was that bad of a guy. They even did the mandatory ‘sit down and talk about how they would work through things like sexiling if that ever happened." 

Okay. To be fair, Riku had held up the paper work that their RA had shoved under their door. Axel looked at it, burst out laughing, and slung his arm around Riku’s shoulders.

“Look,” he had said as Riku attempted to wiggle out of his grasp, “just let me know if you’re bringing anyone around. But considering a stiff like you, I think I’m good.”

Before Riku could respond, Axel let out another laugh and strolled out of the room, leaving Riku there to sign for both of them that they’d read the roommate boundaries agreement.

Either way, as classes piled up and apparently neither of them was getting any – or, to be fair, neither of them was bringing it back to the room – Riku let the thought slip from his mind.

Until now. 

\--

As the cashier at the convenience store attached to his dorm rang up his purchases, Riku glanced at his phone and groaned. It was already past three in the morning, and here he was, buying candy.

He sighed, grabbing his bag of stuff and quickly walked back to the dorm, shivering slightly at the chill. He really wished in his rush out of his room he had managed to grab his sweatshirt.

Well, he thought, walking back iinto his dorm, he really wished he had never woke up in the first place to hear any of that. So really, this was all Axel’s fault.

As Riku half-halfheartedly waved to the guard at the ID swiping station, he reached into his wallet to pull out his ID and…

Riku froze and the guard glanced up from his book at him.

“Something the matter, kid?”

“I, uh,” Riku said, laughing nervously. “I must have left my ID in my room.”

He could see it in his mind’s eye, sitting right on his desk next to where his wallet, keys, and phone usually sat. Normally, the room was bright and he grabbed it as he grabbed the other three, but…

But this wasn’t a normal night.

“Look,” Riku said, grinning up to the guard. “You saw me walk out of this building like ten minutes ago, right? Just let me back in and I’ll grab my ID and run back down.”

Riku moved to walk through the gate when the guard’s arm shot out of his booth, stopping him. “Sorry kid,” the guard said, and Riku’s eyes widened. “Can’t do that. You need your ID or for someone to write you a guest pass.”

Riku froze. “Are you kidding me?” he asked with a laugh. “You literally just saw me walk out! I live here! Look it up on the roster or something!”

The guard shrugged and turned back his book. “I don’t make the rules. I just follow them.” When Riku made no motion to move, the guard lowered his book again, “Why don’t you call your roommate or something and have him bring down your ID?”

“Cause he’s the reason why I’m down here in the first place,” Riku hissed, clutching his bag of candy tighter and moving to go sit on the couches that filled the room just off of the entrance. He flopped onto a couch and scowled, quickly dialing Axel and hoping with all his might that the idiot wouldn’t be too caught in the throws of passion to not pick up his call.

When his phone kept ringing and ringing, Riku realized that he was just shit out of luck. With a huff, he collasped onto the couch, reaching into his bag.

“It’s not like today can get any worse,” he mumbled. But as he moved to open his candy, he noticed out of the corner of his eye the guard putting his book down and moving out of the little ID station. Riku scowled and sat up. “Now what?”

The guard shrugged and pointed to the exit. “Can’t stay here. Loitering.”

Riku’s jaw dropped. “What am I supposed to do? I live here! You can’t just throw me out onto the street. It’s freezing cold!”

As if on cue, a loud gust of wind pounded on the windows. The guard glanced at the doors and shrugged. “I don’t make the rules. I just – ”

“Follow them,” Riku muttered, crawling off the couch. “But you’re serious. It’s three in the morning and you’re kicking me out in the cold.”

The guard pointed to the door again. “I’m sure you’ll survive.”

Riku groaned, clutched his bag tighter, and headed to the exit. With one more scowl back at the security guard, he opened the door.

But before he could leave, a guy slammed into him, almost knocking him off his feet. “Ah! I’m so sorry!” the guy said, forcing Riku back inside and shutting the door. “It’s so cold and I’m just so excited to be back home!”

“It’s fine,” Riku said, moving to walk out the door, feeling dejected. This guy was going to be able to go home and he was going to be stuck out in the—

Wait a minute.

Before the guy could move another step, Riku grabbed onto his arm with a strength he didn’t previously know existed. “Hi. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. But if you please, please, please guest me in, I will be forever in your debt.”

The guy blinked, lowering his hoodie, and brown spikes popped out. “Uh…”

Riku could see the guard raising his eyebrow, so he appealed again. “Look, long story short, my roommate was having sex and I ran out of the room and forgot my ID. It’s cold and I’m going to be kicked out for loitering if I don’t have a way in and I will give you one of my guest meals you if you please, please just write me up a guest pass.”

The guy stared Riku in the eye and Riku tried not to blink. After a moment, the guy grinned. “Wait! You! You’re in my History Class! Uhh…” He blinked, tapping his chin. “ _‘The Keyblade Wars: A Focus on the Trio,’_ right?”

“I…” Riku glanced at the guard who was looking as though he was about to exit his booth again. “I guess? You mean the 9:30 lecture?”

The guy grinned and Riku flushed a little. “Yep! Taught by Ansem in the basement room of Radiant Garden Castle?”

Riku let out a relieved laugh and nodded. “That’s the one.”

The guy nodded and held out his hand. “I’m Sora. You are?”

“Extremely tired and so relieved you are here,” Riku responded before shaking his head and grabbing Sora’s hand. “Sorry. Riku.”

 Sora grinned and walked them over to the guest passes table. Riku exhaled a sigh of relief and quickly pulled out his driver’s license, handing it over. 

\--

“Sooo,” Sora said as Riku followed him onto the elevator. “Sexiled?”

“Ugh,” Riku groaned, leaning his head against the elevator doors. “I don’t even want to go back. I’ll just sleep on a couch in our floor’s common room until the dining hall opens.”

Sora laughed and Riku glanced over to him. “Where you won’t be able to get any food until you go back to your room and get your ID?”

Riku grumbled some very unkind things about his roommate under his breath.

“Look,” Sora said, pressing the button for the 13th floor. “I’ve been working on a paper all night and I’m probably not going to sleep. Just crash on my bed. I don’t think my roommate will be home.” Sora frowned, leaning against the elevator doors. “He kept talking about this guy in his chemistry class and how he was _so_ _close_ to tapping that.”

“Lucky him,” Riku said. “And I would love to crash on your bed. I think I’m going to die.”

Once the elevators opened, Sora led Riku to room 1308 and unlocked the door. He slowly opened it, but after a moment, he all but threw it open. “Yep, he’s not here.” Sora stepped inside and Riku followed sleepily. “Someone must be getting laid tonight.”

Normally, Riku would’ve said something pissy about while both of their roommates might be getting laid, only one was causing them a lack of sleep, but he saw Sora’s bed and faceplanted onto it with a grunt. He didn’t even care when Sora laughed at him. Riku just waved a hand at him and snuggled into the pillow more.

He heard Sora sit down at his desk and pull some of his books out. Riku smiled, glad to be hearing any noise that wasn’t the sound of skin on skin, or the creaking of the bed, or the squelching, oh god. Riku groaned again and covered his face with his hands.

“You going to be alright?” Sora asked. Riku made a noise that was a strange mix between a pterodactyl screech and a scream.

“I feel as though I will never be clean again,” Riku grumbled into his hands. After a moment, something landed on his face and he peeked through his eyes to see a sweatshirt and Sora turning back to his desk.

Riku slipped into the sweatshirt and attempted to get comfortable, which, to be fair, as tired as he was, was pretty easy. After a little while, Riku heard a strange noise and he glanced over to see Sora tapping his pencil against his laptop and glance back to Riku. 

When Riku caught Sora’s eye, Sora sighed. “Look, do you know a girl named Kairi?”

Riku sat up slowly, giving Sora a look. Sora shrugged. “She’s also in our Keyblade Wars class and we were sitting in the back when you walked in and she mentioned that you looked familiar and that I might recognize you but I didn’t and so…”

Riku sat against the wall and rested his chin in his hands. “Kairi… hmm. The only Kairi I remember would’ve been a girl I met when I was a kid.”

“Did you live on Destiny Islands?”

“I… did,” Riku answered, raising an eyebrow. “How would you know that?”

Sora turned in his seat, grinning. “Kairi said she knew this kid when she was growing up who has this crazy, long silver hair who lived near her but he moved when she was really young. She said she’d never seen hair before like that and never would again and we were all sitting in class making fun of her childhood crush on this mythical guy with silver hair and you walked in through the door.”

Riku nodded. “Geez… I haven’t thought about Kairi in years. Yeah, I moved to Radiant Garden when I was a kid. And yes,” Riku smirked, tugged on a strand of hair. “This is natural.”

Sora flushed. “Wait, that means you also know Tidus and Wakka and Selphie…?” He asked, moving his books aside and turning his chair around to look at Riku.

Riku scratched his head. “I think… Tidus used to play with a wooden sword? I think? And he and Wakka were super into blitzball?” Sora nodded, and Riku laughed. “Wow. Blast from the past. But have we met before and you’re just forgetting?”

Sora paused for a bit before shaking his head. “Probably not. I lived in Twilight Town and then moved to Destiny Islands. But Kairi never brought up some crazy silver haired guy until we got to college.”

“Small world,” Riku said, before collapsing back onto the bed. “Hey, did you get a chance to try that restaurant just off the pier? Does that place even still exist?”

Sora leaned back in his chair. “The one that has the clam shells for like a dollar each?”

Riku leaned his head back, looking at an upside-down Sora. “Whoa. Those things were fifty cents each back when I was a kid.”

Sora snorted and turned back to Riku. “A lot clearly has changed since you left.”

\--

Riku’s phone alarm was loud, annoying and usually just within reach that he could turn it off without Axel murdering him. When he reached his arm over to where his phone usually was, there was a groan and something shoved him and hissed, “Turn it off.”

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, Riku fumbled on the desk for his phone, barely grabbing it before the thing on the bed hit him again. After turning his alarm off, he glanced down to see Sora half on, half off the bed.

“What time is it,” Sora asked sleepily. He sounded more like he’d said “ _I will kill you where you sleep_ ,” but Riku was just going to take his words at face value.

“It’s… just after eight,” Riku said, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

Sora groaned again and rolled on more of the bed. “Why did we go to sleep at six?”

Riku rolled his eyes. “You kept asking me if I’d found the secret place.”

“Well, you didn’t.”

“Yes,” Riku mumbled, attempting to roll off the bed and only ended up halfway rolling on Sora. “I did. It was the cave that went between the two halves of the play island. Obviously.”

Sora snorted and grabbed the pillow Riku had previously occupied. After Riku managed to roll himself onto the floor, he blinked up to the bed blearily. How did Sora end up on the bed? Why did they stay up so late? And the better question: why did they think that 9:30am was a late class? Sure, late compared to high school, but this was like hell.

Riku stumbled to his feet and balanced himself on Sora’s desk. Sora completely rolled onto the bed and snuggled against his pillow. Riku yawned, stretching his arms up as high as he could. “Look, I’m going to go back to my room and grab my ID. Thanks for guesting me in, but—”

Before Riku could finish that statement, noises came from outside the door. Human noises. And, if Riku’s sleep deprived brain could make sense of them, they sounded way too awake and way too familiar.

When the door swung open to reveal Axel and the blond companion from earlier this morning, Riku turned upwards to face the ceiling and asked, “Why me.”

“Reekers!” Axel exclaimed, at the same time the blond companion hissed, “Sora?!”

Sora jumped up to face the door “Roxas! Where have you been...” He paused, glanced between Axel and Riku. “Wait. He’s your chemistry conquest?”

Axel clutched a hand at his heart. “Roxas, you speak of me so sweetly.”

Roxas was too busy staring at Riku, eyes narrowing. “What happened here last night?”

Riku continued staring at the ceiling, hoping that this was all a cruel dream and he could wake up and still have been in his bed from this morning.

Axel glanced between everyone and shrugged. “Riku, sorry for waking you up this morning –” Riku gave a choked snort, “and Sora, sorry to wake you up, buuuut...”

Without another word, Axel scooped Roxas up and tossed him onto the nearby bed. Roxas yelped as Axel turned back to Riku and Sora.

“You might want grab your stuff and head on out. It is necessary for us to to christen both of our rooms for our love to be true.”

“There is no love, you lying sack of shit!” Roxas spat, still glaring at Riku. “Sora, you never mentioned this guy before! Who is he? What happened here last night?!”

Before Sora could answer, before Riku could glance down from the ceiling, and, probably more importantly, before Roxas could launch out of the bed and murder Riku where he stood, Axel reached into Roxas’s pants and squeezed. The noise Roxas made got Sora to leap out of bed and grab his backpack. Riku snatched up his bag of candy and his stuff, and they both raced to the door. Axel grinned.

“Perfect. Now, if you excuse us.”

And with that, the door clicked shut.

Riku glanced over to Sora, who was staring at the door owlishly. “Did…” Sora said, eyes widening slightly. “Did I just get sexiled at eight in the morning?”

It wasn’t like Riku was some expert on the art of the sexiling, but after dealing with it twice in twelve hours, he might have begun to understand.

“Wanna go grab breakfast? I mean, we have class in an hour or so and I…” A loud moan came from inside Sora’s room, along with some garbled version of Axel’s name. Riku gulped and Sora dropped his head in his hands. “I don’t think they’re going to be done anytime soon.”

After a moment, Sora nodded. “Yeah. But we have to stop by your room to get your ID…” Something crashed from inside Sora’s room and Sora threw his hands into the air. “You know what! We’re not dealing with this right now! I will give you a guest meal if you promise to owe me one later.”

Riku was about to agree when another sound came from Sora’s room. It may have been a ghost, or it may have been Roxas saying, “Harder, you ass, I’m sure my grandma moves slower than this.”

If they weren’t in such a terrible position, Riku might have laughed at the way Sora’s eyes looked like dinner plates. But as it were, this was no laughing matter.

“Yep,” Riku said, grabbing Sora’s arm and dragging him away from his room. “Food. That’ll save us.”

With that, they both sprinted towards the elevators before they could hear anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> To be fair, Riku isn't sexiled. But I'm sure he wishes he would have been instead.  
> This based off my own fun experiences from school. Granted, I took option B. I'm still in shock.  
> And going off that, yes. My school's ID/guest policy was that ridiculous.


End file.
